I’ve been planning to write to you for the longest time but felt really awkward doing it but I guess this is the best time to do so. You see when I was still a kid I was introduced to you. I saw some pictures of you in my brother’s closet. It was a sexual awakening of some sort for me. I could not understand what I saw. I felt bad, dirty and yet at the same time there was a longing to see you more often.
I wanted more of you. Not just your pictures but your movies. I desperately tried to hook up with your videos late at nights since my family might get upset seeing me with you.
I’ve always wondered how you feel when I lusted over you. I had a strange feeling that we would have the same feeling. Every time I’m done with you – I feel dirty, used and guilty. I would go to God and ask for forgiveness. How could I lust after you? You are God’s creation and though you try to project sexuality in your pictures and your movies – I could see some emptiness and sadness in your eyes.
I was reading my Bible one day and came across this verses
Prov. 6:25 Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coy glances seduce you.
Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.
Matt. 5:28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Col. 3:5 So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
The Bible is very clear that what I am doing to you and what you are doing to me is not good. It is a lose-lose situation for both of us. Many times I’ve tried to quit looking at you but sometimes the temptation gets stronger and stronger. Scripture reminds us to honor each other and to honor our bodies. That means I need to value you the same way God values you. And every time I devalue you by lusting over you, I devalue me and dishonor God in the process.
1Th. 4:4 Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—
1Th. 4:5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.
Ms Pornstar, the reason I am writing to you is because I want to say sorry to you. I have lusted over you for years and I knew it was a big mistake and a sin against God. I have stopped seeing you for many years now. I now have a wife and two wonderful daughters. With God’s grace, I have been faithful to the wife of my youth.
Another reason I am writing to you is because a month ago, a porn star came to our house. It was the real deal – not the porn star you could download online or rent in the video shop but a colleague of yours. She was young, beautiful but desperate, sad and depressed. She wanted to kill herself. She tried to but God spared her. She has been through a lot. She thought that by being sexy and sensual – she would be loved and accepted. My wife and I talked her out of committing suicide. It was devastating. I was praying that every man would see what just transpired in our living room. A porn star who felt used, abused and treated like trash. She never wanted to be a porn star. She just wanted to be loved and accepted. She reminded me of you. Behind the make up and the sensuality was a girl who wanted to be loved. A girl who would drug herself before a shoot so she won’t feel a thing. A girl who would force herself to get naked in front of the camera because that was the only option she knew to survive in this sinful world.
It reminded me a story of this girl who was treated the same way. She was running for her life because some men wanted to stone her to death. With no other option, she run to Jesus. She then hides behind Jesus. She started crying silently for help. Jesus looks at the men who had stones on their hands and says,
“He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”
When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”
She said, “No one, Lord.” ¶ And Jesus said to her, “
Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
I did the same thing years ago. When I was hooked in sin I run to Jesus. I was surprised that He did not condemn me but He did something that would forever changed my life. HE ALIGNED ME TO HIS PURPOSES. Go and sin no more. Those are the words that changed me.
Sister, I pray that you also run to Jesus. It is the best decision I’ve made in my life. Don’t ever think you are beyond God’s forgiveness. I am praying for you.