Friendship in Marriage

Taking Manhood Back

Friendship in Marriage

This blog is actually written not just for married couples but for the singles also. Most of us wonder how we can have a thriving marriage. I found out that the key to a really strong marriage aside from Christ and love is FRIENDSHIP.


Song of Songs 5:16

16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely.  This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem.

Marriage is about friendship. As I was reading through this new book by Mark Driscoll, Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together I had to stop and ask my wife if I was a great friend to her. It led to an hour long discussion of where we stand not as a couple but as a friend. I started reminiscing the things we did when we were starting out in our relationship.


Now with two kids and a growing church to pastor, I had to once again ask my wife HOW AM I AS A FRIEND? As the man of the house I can no longer make an excuse that life happens, that I am busy. If I want a really strong marriage, Thammie must be my best friend and I should be her best friend.

A study by sociologist John Gottman and Nan Silver, author of THE 7 Principles for Making Marriage work says,

‘Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately – they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personlaity quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in and day out… Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.

Side note: I still recommend ( not a hard rule) for single men to look at their friends first as a potential future wife rather than starting out as strangers. Friendship is a great foundation to start any relationship compared to dating a stranger.


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