My guest blogger for today is my wife!!!! Thammie Sy blogs about fatherhood
Since we were on a break this week, Dennis and I got to enjoy more movie nights with the kids. I love movie nights. Though less exciting, I do enjoy watching family movies that do not require much thinking and that do not really get my heart pumping. I get to relax and lie down and cuddle the kids without any tension in my body.
I did notice a few things with the recent “family movies” that we watched, though. Most of them had this set-up: awesome mom has kids…leading man is great with the kids… conflict happens… leading man also has conflict with awesome mom… leading man— together with the star kids, saves the day… awesome mom makes up (with a kiss!) with leading man…leading man asks awesome mom to marry him… kids are happy… my kids are confused.
“So, they’re not married?? He’s not their daddy?? So, where’s their daddy? But, how come….????”
Or sometimes, it’s really just martyr mommy in the picture, and daddy is really no leading man. In fact, it’s just the opposite: daddy disappoints, daddy hurts, daddy gives more importance to work than the family, daddy fails. But it’s okay, there’s another leading man that will eventually save the day and take the place of daddy.
Again, my kids are confused.
“Where’s their daddy?? How come he’s the daddy but he….?? Who’s that other man??”
Good questions, kids.
Where’s their daddy?? How come the leading man who wins the hearts of the mom and the children isn’t even the man that mommy is married to??
Where is daddy??
Very good question.
Though I would like to think that these are just movies, it is a sad reality that what we see in the movies is just a reflection of what is really going on in our society. At the same time, what we allow movies to show us also affect how we respond to whatever culture our society is trying to introduce to us.
So what has the media been showing us??
“Daddy is absent, but it will all work out…. you’ll see.”
And so we’ve been lead to believe a lie: that it’s okay for dads to be absent; that it’s perfectly normal for dads to fail; that we probably shouldn’t be banking on our dads to fulfill their roles of protecting and providing for us— not just financially, but more importantly—emotionally and spiritually.
And as we believe this lie, we allow it to happen more and more. We see more and more dads failing to fulfill their roles; we see more and more moms trying to fill in the fathers’ shoes; we see more and more children trying to tell themselves it’s okay—that they’re okay— yet know deep within that something’s not right…. and end up confused.
Back to my daughters’ question:
“Where’s their daddy??”
Dennis’ default answer is “Oh, I think he got sick and died.” (I think he just adds the “he got sick” part to make it sound less morbid!)
“So, it’s okay to marry another if the mom or dad is dead na?? Because diba ‘Father and mother stay together, forever’ (paraphrasing the seventh commandment)??”
“Yes, yes. Father and mother stay together forever….yeah I think the dad got sick and he died that’s why……”
Oh, how I wish dads will resurrect from their absence get healed from their apathy. I am hopeful that the men in our generation will rise up and take up their swords and fight for their families the way they are supposed to. I pray that this generation will live to experience what it’s like to have fathers who will protect them, provide for them, and cultivate them. I pray that this generation will live to experience what it’s like to have fathers who are not just willing to die for their families, but to live for them; fathers who will not just lead, but who will serve; fathers who will not just be “good” fathers, but ones who will reveal the father-heart of God himself to their children.
I am hopeful that this will happen.
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My name is Thammie Sy. I am first and foremost a woman loved and rescued by God. He is the reason why I am living life to the fullest! 🙂 I am married to Dennis— my best friend and the man I am glad I have the privilege of walking alongside with. I am the happy mom of two beautiful girls. More to come, of course…. I am praying for two more boys this time!
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