In A Relationship: Who’s The Hero Now?
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If I were to define this year, there’s no other word but: FAST. This year is definitely the year of the “suddenly” for me.
Earlier this year I started pursuing my girlfriend 🙂 (article here.) She eventually said yes to me, and then after some time, on the 10th month of this year, I began praying about our proposal. After a month, it did happen. (Video here)
God has been so good to me and Cha in our relationship. I wanted to write about the things I learned for this year that I hope would help some men out there in their relationships.
1. Start with grace, continue with grace. Praying in the season of pursuit and courtship is great but once you’re going steady already, it’s easy to lose track of God. For me, It was easy to rely on my own “diskarte” and go back to my old ways. Time and again, I had to remind myself, with the help of my mentors, to rely on God’s grace. I think men need to be reminded to be dependent on God. The humility it brings is essential, and the blessings you reap afterwards are just worth it! You cannot start with God’s grace and continue on without it.
2. Be deliberate. Have you seen one of those toy cars with pull-back action? You pull it back, release and enjoy! Relationships are NOT like that- at least ours isn’t. There is no auto pilot, you can’t cast a vision hoping that the relationship just goes there without doing anything. I needed to check and counter-check the direction of our relationship all the time. We had to be deliberate on things we need to do (and things we ought not do). Talk is cheap. Things aren’t going to happen automatically, we have to cancel some unnecessary things on our schedules and replace it with things we really need to do.
and for men who likes to PLAN, just like me…
3. Leave room for God’s intervention. Well, you cannot literally do this- but I guess what I want to say is, be ready for God’s intervention. I cannot say how many times God intervened my plans (for the proposal, even for our wedding planning now). He always showed me how limited my sight is. My impulsive decisions can often be flawed and I always felt like God was there trying to correct me.
4. Pray. I don’t think one can ever perfect this art, so learn it and relearn it again. I have to force myself many many times to go down on my knees this year and pray- often for forgiveness; some spur-of-the-moment breath prayers; etc. I think we can NEVER get enough of prayers. There is always something to pray about. I also realized that asking for prayers from my friends are very very important. It seldom changes my situation but it sure does makes me hear from God more. There is something about prayer that changes me, more than it forces God to do something.
Looking back, I realized one pattern – I always tried to be the hero. From trying to do things my way; by being lax on things that we need to do and generally my lack of dependence on Him. Of course, I learned one thing too: I CANNOT BE THE HERO. No matter how good my intentions and how best my effort was- I just can never be the relationship super hero I imagine myself to be.
He just cannot allow my flawed desire to dream small, intervene with his bigger and better plans for me. I can never be the hero of my story- because there is someone else who is the rightful and logical owner of this title. He is.
So, I guess here’s a toast to the real Hero of our relationship! Thank You Lord!