In A Relationship: Conflicts
Here’s one very important thing about relationships- you will have conflicts.
Me and my fiancee have had a handful of them already. I have been taught that conflicts when handled well can even make the relationship stronger. These are some things that I learned that helped us both- I wanted to share this to men who are currently in a relationship, that somehow it could help you handle conflicts better.
When conflict arises, always remember that it is a RACE… on who becomes Christlike first in the relationship. Men, I pray that God’s grace be upon us as we “be Jesus” first in times of conflict. “Be Jesus” in a sense that we try to love like Jesus and forgive like Jesus. It’s very hard, specially when we expect the other party to be the one who should understand us- the one who should give way first. But then, it didn’t matter to Jesus that I was at fault- He just loved me first. In our times of conflict, that fact is my inspiration. It frees me from the burden of fault-finding, which is my weakness. Remembering that Jesus initiated the love and forgiveness first, through His grace, inspires me to win the race of being Christlike in times of conflicts.
Here’s another race.. Ask forgiveness first! Be forgiving like Jesus, love like Jesus…but be like “the sinner” in a sense… ask forgiveness first. It is when you humble yourself first that you get to see the real motives of your heart and her heart. Sometimes it takes a bit of pride-swallowing, but it’s a good exercise, it’s good for your heart!
Here’s the fun part, I learned that after I do those two things above, I still have to kinda’ convince her that I am really sorry for whatever I did that caused the conflict. I realized that our fight is just another excuse for me to pursue her more! Give her flowers, treat her to dinner- be creative! I know you don’t have to wait for a conflict for that to happen, but it sure challenges you to pursue her more. This way you learn to see conflict as a positive thing.
All in all, these are just outward actions. Good advises, if you may. But real change does not come from outward actions, it comes from the inside out. What helped me a lot is that first of all, I know my standing in Christ. I have seriously sinned, but yet I am abundantly loved. It is this Truth that keeps us strong and helps us handle conflicts better.