I learned this the hard way and to honestly say I am still a major work in progress when it comes to listening to my wife. I don’t know if I should blame it to my ADD tendencies and symptoms but I know this is something I need to work on if I want Thammie and I to have a better friendship in marriage.
Communication is key to any relationship. And part of communication is not just talking but also listening. One of my challenges is when Thammie tells me about a problem she is facing. I need to remember that women talk about their problems or problems in general to get close and not necessarily to get solutions from us men. Generally, she wants to share her thoughts, feelings and opinions on issues while we think helping and interrupting her by offering solution and your thoughts helps. It doesn’t. ( I did make a thousands of mental notes about this but I keep repeating the same mistake)
According to John Gray, author of the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: Practical Guide for Improving Communication,women tend to resist man’s solution because what she needs was a shoulder to cry on or an empathetic ear.
Have you ever tried giving the following solutions and it made it even worst:
– you shouldn’t worry
– it’s not a big deal
– move on, its a brand new day.
– but you shouldn’t feel that way.
– I got it, this is what you should do.
– sobrang simple naman ng problema mo, ano ka ba?
– from now on, I will handle it.
– faster girl, get to the point!
NOTE TO MEN and MYSELF:
I need to remind myself that I am not Mr Fix it Dennis. Thammie wants a listening Dennis who will empathize with her and not offer quick solutions.