Here is our blog series on WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW. I asked female bloggers to contribute their thoughts on certain issues WOMEN want MEN to Know. Our blogger for today is Sonjia.
Just the other day, I was having a conversation with one of my guy friends about courtship. He was making a comment on how quite a few of his friends say they know they should pray about a certain girl that they’re considering. However, they are unsure of what the good questions to ask God and themselves are before making a decision to pursue. As a girl, here are my thoughts on it.
1) Why do you want to be with her?
Your MOTIVES will show the condition of your heart. Is it coz you’re looking for a need to be filled in your heart that only God can fill? She’s not Jesus. Get it from Him! Be whole, and don’t drag a girl into this future disaster. Yes, pursuing someone will give you joy, but is this something that will please God FIRST? Check your heart. Humble yourself before God, pull a David and pray Psalm 139:23-24.
2) Why her? Do you REALLY like this girl?
Are you SOLD OUT for her–that whatever quirks she may have, you will still fight for her heart for WHO she is? Will you truly celebrate her own uniqueness in Christ? Do you see her as a potential suitable helper, in case this proceeds to marriage? If you’re undecided, you can get to know her from AFAR! First of all, she’s a sinner just like you, but you can see her character from a distance. How she responds to certain situations, and how she treats others will speak a lot about who she is inside. Just because she goes to church, and tweets Christian quotes and bible verses, doesn’t make her a disciple of Jesus Christ! I know for a fact that guys are visual, but will she still be beautiful when physical beauty fades–the kind of beauty that displays God’s glory?
3) Now, if you’re certain your heart is right,and you’re sold out for her, what’s next? Please ask for GODLY COUNSEL before making a move!
Ask counsel from MARRIED people, as they have more wisdom on relationships than your single friends! You’ll be surprised at the different angles they can see about the situation. They will also help you ask the tough questions, and walk you through them. Please come with a teachable spirit, ready for loving rebuke if needed.
4) Your heart is right.
You’re sold out for her. Godly married people are at peace with you on this. Go for it! PURSUE! Again, pursue, not stalk, not make pa-cute, and not send confusing text messages. Be a man, take her out on a proper date , tell her how you feel, and tell her what your plans are. (A girl would really appreciate a plan! Remember, she is called to submit to you as to the Lord if you end up in marriage–Eph5:22! She needs someone she can follow! Don’t just dump your feelings on her and have her decide what to do about them!) If at the end, the result is favorable and you win her heart, GREAT! Honor God together! BUT, if she says, “NO,” please honor that. It really means “no.” Give her space. If at a certain time, because you’re really sold out for her, you wanna pursue her again, I can’t say things can’t change. However, if now she says, “no,” then leave her alone. You may do things right that lead to unfavorable results. But hey, at least you honored God with the pursuit, and that’s what matters. I am sure God has already molded a lot about your character because of the process. Nothing is ever wasted. 🙂
I hope you are encouraged. May I point out before I end, that this isn’t the end all be all of things? Christ is, and Knowing Him is. Don’t ever think He is holding something back from you because you’re not in a relationship right now. He is our EVERYTHING. In Him we lack no good thing (Psalm 34:10). In fact, He is waiting to give you His BEST. Pursue Him FIRST, and all else will follow (Matt 6:33). 🙂