With the success of the blog series WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW, we are starting a brand new blog series: LESSONS FROM THE SINGLE MAN. To kick off this series, our guest blogger today is Dodge Ronquillo.
I just got engaged this year, and am learning a lot about this. I didn’t think it would be too different from being in a normal relationship, but there are new things to learn.
I am learning that engagement is not just a happy affair because you are closer to the big goal of marriage. In fact, you realize you get annoyed by more things and you start to expect more things; simply put, you learn more about each other.
1) What you get is what you get. Who she is is who she is. I believe that once you are engaged, you are decided about her and you can live with who she is (after all, you were able to shell out money for a ring). Therefore, nothing she does or is right now should change your mind about your love for her. She may not have the similarities you were hoping for, but she is who she is: special.
2) Everyone will change, for better or for worse, you and her included. There will always be “you used to be”s and “you never do this anymore” moments. So do you quit on her now? While it may be annoying, I suggest we all look in the mirror and see how we’ve changed in the last year.
I have found two necessary skills to be able to deal with these issues. You either 1) Overlook or 2) Deal with it (nicely).
There are lots of things you’ll see and learn about the other. The best thing I decided was to overlook the things that really didn’t kill me. This means I glance at it and then move on. Usually, there are more important things to do than noticing every single thing your partner does or says (or doesn’t do or say).
Deal With It
The other way is to deal with it (nicely). If it really gets to you, you’ll have to confront the issue. Key words — confront the issue — not the person. Explain what she does and how it makes you feel. Don’t get moralistic and focus on right and wrong. Explain your emotions; you can’t be wrong with how you feel.
Long Way To Go
I still have a long way to go to be good at these two skills, but I know these will help me deal with unforeseen things in the future.
Finally, it also helps me to I pray whenever something bothers me. I try to do it before I apply the two skills (even at this, I’m still practicing). It calms me down and lets me analyze whether I should Overlook or Deal With It.
It’s a long, tumultuous road ahead of me, but I’m excited to spend my life with my fianceé.