Looking for Manhood
A man’s sexual identity is almost incidental to him. I am speaking obscurely, I know, but a young man his to go out and find his masculinity, it is extremely heavy, and can only be carried by a miracle of divine grace. Masculinity is not something he can discover by looking at his own physiology, or at his yearning desire for sex and supper, most preferably for free. A woman’s identity is wrapped up in her very being – she is a much more sexually attuned being than a man is. From her neck to her knees, she is in touch with her sexuality. She doesn’t need to go and find it – it is right there. Meantime, masculinity has to do with performance, whether on mountain peaks or battlefields, or as a lover, which explains a lot of male anxieties.
Marriages are built on sex roles. When boys are not trained in these sex roles, they come to think that assuming responsibility consists of telling others what their responsibilities are. When masculinity is not taught and disciplined, boys grow up thinking that it means selfishness instead of sacrifice. Because it is a lot easier to pry men away from the sex role assigned to them by their culture than it is to do with the women, this means it is easier to get selfish men than it is to get selfish women.
Douglas Wilson, Father Hunger: Why God Calls Men to Love and Lead Their Families, p44.