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Overrated Love

One of the most powerful thing a couple would discover when it comes to marriage is that love is overrated. Love – how the world defines it. Being married for 9 years to a wonderful woman, I found myself thinking more about love.

In our early years of marriage, I thought love was full of expectations. If expectations were not met, I feel the love being challenged. At some point, you learn to forgive the unmet expectations but take it against the other person that she is not doing her role and vice versa. At the same time, you take pride that you feel like you are the one always adjusting and think you love more than the other.

At the end of the day, you realize most of our definition about love is rooted in our pride and selfishness.

So what did I learn in the 9 years of marriage? How come after 9 years of marriage, we love each other more than ever?

We have to understand that love is a decision. And to go much deeper, marriage is a covenant. I decide to love no matter what – for better or for worst. It means I don’t know if Thammie will turn out to be better or worst than I expected and if I will turn out to be a good leader or a bad husband – she decides to love.

We also have to be conscious of the fact that we entered into a covenant. A covenant is based on a vow we made to each other and with the kind of love the Lord entered into his people.

Romans 5:8 “While we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Powerful display of love. At my worst – when I cannot give anything to God, He chose to enter into a relationship with me. The covenant is a one way forever love that transforms any kind of relationship.

This has been the biggest thing we have discovered and experienced in our 9 years of marriage. We are in covenant with Christ and each other. It actually gets better every year – with 3 kids and a wife who also is in covenant with God.

Thornton Wilder, a famous playwright, summarized it best:

I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them – it was that promise.  

the promise