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Breaking Marriage Myths #1: Happy Wife, Happy Life

I know we often hear this. I cannot remember if I have said this in the past but after being married for almost a decade, I found out that this is a myth and could actually backfire from having you and your spouse create a stronger marriage.

Let me explain: Most of the time, when a man says this – he says it with a grin. HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE. It sparks a lot of laughter and a lot of men can relate to this but again with every saying there is an implication.



Now nobody wants a sad wife. Am I right? I think we all agree here. We want our wives to be happy. But how does our spouse become happy? Is it when we give them all that they want. Is it when we allow them to do whatever they want and we would adjust? Now I know I might be stepping on thin ice here but please I hope you hear what I’m trying to say. I want my wife to be happy but not in the way the world would want our wives to be happy.

I want a joyful wife. I want a wife who finds her source of joy and happiness not in me but in Christ. I want a wife whose identity is not found in her kids or in her marriage or in her work as a SAHM or a homeschool mom or a career woman. I want a wife who exudes joy because she knows she is the daughter of the King of Kings.

When we started out in marriage – there were a lot of things I couldn’t give my wife. And I thank God my wife did not give up on my marriage because she is being short changed of some expectations the world demands from a husband. I thank God that Thammie loves Jesus enough to see beyond the artificial happiness the world can give ( a spa, a facelift, shopping money, stuff, expensive restaurants).

I thank God that He was the one who provided all that Thammie needs – a secure and grace filed love. A forgiving God. A loving Father to His children. You see, I cannot be Jesus to Thammie. I did not die for her sins. I am a child of the king who is learning to love my wife as Christ loved the church and I am a work in progress. To put the burden on me to give Thammie the happiness she needs is unfair. And this applies to husbands also – your wife is not your source of joy – Jesus is. I can only give much – Jesus gave all.

Solomon knew this when he said “Life is meaningless, everything under the sun is meaningless.” Apart from Christ – happy wife, happy life is shallow.




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