It was a happy Saturday morning because my aunt told me that we were going to the mall, and that she wanted to buy a new polo for me. We went at around 1pm because I had to be at our Youth Prayer Meeting at 4pm.
As a 13 year old, hip new clothes were always exciting because they’ll make you look cool. At that time, I was excited to go and see the world, I wanted to have a girlfriend, I wanted to be popular, and I wanted to be macho.
As we were shopping, I jokingly told my aunt that I would get the most expensive polo, and she immediately gave me a look that overpowered me. My aunt is just 9 years older than me, she’s more of a big sister than an aunt. I was so happy because on that Saturday, she wasn’t teasing me, she was going to buy a gift for me. I eventually chose one and went to the dressing room.
I tried on the black short-sleeved polo that I picked. It really looked handsome on me. After a few minutes of admiring myself, I turned around to notice the curtain slowly opening and one of the attendants in the store coming in to my dressing room.
I couldn’t understand what was happening especially because he was wearing a big smile on his face. I was paralyzed by fear. I knew that there was something wrong but I couldn’t move myself. His right hand stretched out to me. He put his hand on my face and then he unbottoned my black polo. I wanted to defend myself but I was powerless. He kissed me and then did what I guess he had planned to do.
The molestation took about 5-10 minutes, and as I walked out of the dressing room I couldn’t help but fee worthless, I couldn’t even tell my aunt about what happened. My knees were trembling because of fear and shock.
I never spoke about that incident to anyone.
After that day, I began seeing myself as a dirty and weak person. I was dirty because I was molested. I thought I was weak because I was already 13 years old and an athlete, but I didn’t have the guts and power to fight back.
Because of my belief that I was dirty, I did dirty things. I sinned sexually, I had vices, I hurt other people, and I pushed away anyone trying to love and care for me. I thought that I had no hope of becoming a really good person because I was irrevocably dirty.
For so many years, God tried to tell me that I was loved and accepted but for some twisted reason I didn’t listen to him. My mistake was that I chose to listen to my wound instead of listening to God’s sweet and true voice.
Sinning deliberately was the habit I formed for many years, but that eventually became a very tiring lifestyle. I was tired of being tired. I didn’t want to be numb anymore, I tried looking for the meaning of what God was whispering in my heart.
I started by making a decision. The most powerful decision I had to do was I had to accept my life as it is.
Today, I am happy, healed and loved. I’m thankful that my family accepts me, my girlfriend accepts me, my friends accept me and my Feast Greenhills family accepts me.
Life is not what happens to you. Life is what you do to what happens to you.
Please allow me to share my healing process from that abuse. If you can relate with me, I hope that this process will bless you too.
- Accept Reality
I couldn’t escape what happened to me, so I had to accept the reality of not being at fault for the molestation done to me.
I started by accepting God’s message that he truly loves me and that I’m an amazing person and that my value never changed.
Today, I walk this world beside my beautiful self, and my ugly self. My past can no longer be changed, but I have decided to embrace a great life through God’s Grace.
- Accept Responsibility
I couldn’t blame my molester forever about the wrong things that I’ve done after the abuse I encountered. They were my poor choices.
I had to ask for forgiveness for the things I did after that molestation.
I forgave him.
Lastly, I had to forgive myself.
- Accept Rescue
Being vulnerable and accepting everything that happened allowed God to do his thing.
He started reminding me how he thoroughly loves the child he created.
He brought the right people in my life and they acted as the physical manifestation of his unconditional love in my life.
Brother, I only experienced molestation once, but it gravely affected my life. My message is this, you too can be freed from your past.
God loves you. God accepts you.