For Marriage to Work its never 50-50
When I entered marriage, a lot of people advised us that for marriage to work, you’ve got to learn to sacrifice and work towards having a 50-50 relationship. It is give and take. They said Thammie and I need to mutually fulfil each other.
It sounded like a great idea. We both need to fulfil each other’s need right? Yes, until when someone feels like he/she is not fulfilling the end of the bargain.
So what happens? The marriage gets affected. The other feels he/she is being cheated out of this marriage. Why am I the only one giving? We both need to give 50-50 so we can experience 100% fulfillment.
Over time, the marriage dries up, both would not give in and work this out and thus we see a rise in broken marriages. You see 50-50 won’t work.
When Thammie and I started reading the Bible in light of how God loves us – we realized marriage should not be 50-50 but rather I give 100 and she gives 100. And the ultimate twist here is just like how Christ loved the church – when we cannot give 100% of ourselves to God- He still gives 100% of His love to us.
The same goes with the sex lives of married couples. I am not there to just get fulfilled. I give of my love and my body to fulfill hers and she also give everything she has to fulfill mine. And in the case one can’t, I still give what I can give because it is never just about fulfilling my need – but rather being faithful to the covenant and promise I made to my spouse to love her in sickness and in health, for better or for worst till death do us part.
True love is not just mutually fulfilling each other’s need but also mutually sacrificing for each other. Jesus’ love towards is sacrificial. In the midst of our sin and rebellion – He still loves us fully.
I love how Pastor Matt Chandler describes God’s covenant love towards us:
What’s mind-blowing about God’s covenantal love toward the church is that God fulfills the obligations of both parties! God has put on my life the command that I am to love my wife, as Christ loved the church. That is God’s command on my life- regardless of whether or not she reciprocates the love. I don’t love her as Christ loved the church in order to get something from her; I love her that way because that is what God has commanded me to do, and that’s the way he has loved me.
Read Ephesians 5 to appreciate more what I just blogged about: EPHESIANS 5
Thammie and I also discussed this more in our book ” How to Settle for Good Sex When You Can Have Great Sex?”
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