Sex Myth We Believe: You Can have Sex without Intimacy
Sex Myth #2: You can have sex without intimacy.
Dr. Emma Kurtzman, Natalie Portman’s character in the movie No Strings Attached shouted in one of her scenes, “Why can’t we just have sex?!”
Many people are asking the same thing: why can’t we have the pleasure of sex without the commitment? Why can’t we separate sex and love? Our culture thinks that reducing sex to little more than a physical act leads to sexual freedom. What they don’t know is that by doing so, many don’t actually experience great sex.
Some people might think I am way too old-fashioned. Let me clear that up. When people hear the biblical standard of waiting before marriage to have sex, it is labeled as old-fashioned and backward-thinking. I beg to disagree. In the New Testament, there were liberal sex practices already, and they were rampant. In fact, in the Corinthian church, temple prostitutes were having a field day. People were actually going to the temple to have sex.
The Christians in Corinth had a mindset similar to how pagans and non-believers thought when it came to sex, so Paul had to address the issue they were facing.
1 Corinthians 6:13 ESV
13 “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
It was a popular saying in Corinth that sex is like “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food”. They likened sex to their appetite. When I am hungry, I eat. When I am thirsty, I drink. When I am in heat, I have sex. They were operating on animal instinct, rather than on higher principles that respected and valued sex.
They had made sex their god, their beds their altars, and their bodies their sacrifices as they committed premarital sex and adultery, all in the name of sex.
Another popular saying in Corinth was, “Everything is permissible for me”. Again Paul had to correct their thinking. Everything is permissible, but it doesn’t end there. I can just imagine a conversation of Uncle Ben and Peter Parker sounding something like this if they were living in Corinth at that time: “Everything is permissible, Peter, but with the great power of great freedom comes great responsibility.” Here is how Paul addressed it:
1 Corinthians 6:12 ESV
12 “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.
Paul was saying, don’t make sex your god. Don’t just have sex because you feel like it. Don’t be mastered by your desires.
I read the autobiography of Magic Johnson when he announced that he was HIV positive. I was surprised to read that his biggest regret during his sexcapades with hundreds of women was that he did not wear his condom. The reason Magic Johnson needed to have sex with multiple women was because he couldn’t find the satisfaction of great sex.
You cannot have great sex without intimacy. Sex is a deeply spiritual and intimate act. Here is how the Bible describes sex:
1 Corinthians 6:16 ESV
16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”
Wow, only marriage and sex can unite two people into one. Something supernatural happens when two people have sex. They become one. Couples can eat together and not be united. Couples can play games together and nothing happens. But a couple that has sex–they are united into one. This is a very crucial principle when it comes to sex. This applies to sex in marriage and sex outside marriage, but both have different effects and results.
Sex is a short-term thrill with long-term consequences. Sex can last from two minutes (and if this is how long sex lasts for you then you definitely need this book) up to two hours. It can be a short act, but the consequences will either reward you or haunt you. Sex is powerful. It can make a marriage or ruin it. It can enhance a couple’s relationship or, if abused, destroy it. Sex is tied to our emotions and our being. It binds two people together, even if they are not married.
One psychologist said, “Infidelity is, for many people, the most significant violation of an agreement of trust that can ever affect them.”3 When married couples regularly have sex and have a healthy sex life, it results in a healthier marriage.
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