Many years ago, my good friend Erickson always tolerated my SELF-PITY PARTIES—He would listen to me pour out my negativity and insensitively smoke one cigarette after the other(unknowingly staining his NON-SMOKING room with burnt tobacco scent) until ONE NIGHT…
He walked out.
I was internally surprised. I didn’t expect him to leave. I expected him to TOLERATE ME like before.
But this time he said, “ENOUGH OF THIS, why don’t you quit going back to smoking everytime your depressed and hurt and deal with your issues the right way you know how.”
Strangely, I changed after he DREW THE LINE with me.
DRAWING THE LINE: HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHEN TO SAY “ENOUGH”?
Let’s use an ‘extreme’ case: When I was new in the entertainment industry, I remember reading about “UNTOUCHABLE” media writers—-bashing artists and creating negative write-ups fearlessly at will.
When I asked artist managers, “How did they become ‘untouchable’”? They answered, “Nobody stood up against them. People were afraid. They let them be.” But things changed on November 2007 when Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby DREW THE LINE with a female celebrity writer and filed a P12-Million libel suit against her in court.
Apparently, the writer wrote a column claiming to have seen the two actors being ‘sweet’ at the poolside coffeshop of a hotel around 4pm on Oct. 12 that same year. Piolo & Sam charged:
“Her story was absolutely without any factual basis. We were not at the hotel on that day. We were not even together on the said date…complete lie… words leaving in the minds of readers that we are ‘gay men’ engaged in a romantic dalliance. Being ‘public figures’ does not give you ‘license’ to malign our reputations.”
Finally in May 14, 2008, the embattled writer publicly apologized for “the hurt and embarrassment I caused’ and confessed, “I had no factual basis for my article.” The 2 actors dropped the case against her and shook hands with her afterwards.
Difficult and messy. Yes. But LINES HAVE TO BE DRAWN sometime, somewhere… Be strong, we don’t want to END UP IN THE SAME CYCLE, over and over again:)
Do your officemates/spouse continue to hurt you with their careless jokes/words because you have never told them you were offended? Do you need to draw the line with certain people taking advantage of you? Do you have a friend who has been beat up in the marriage and yet still continues to stay and refuse good counseling? Have we created angry, yelling ‘monsters’ by simply tolerating them?
Which is more difficult to draw the line with, FAMILY, FRIENDS, or WORKMATES? Why?