Missing Dads and Single Moms
Pastoring a church in Metro Manila makes you see some trends in the city where you are living. For the past seven years, I have personally seen an influx of single moms in our church. Most of them (roughly 90%) are the ones taking care of their kids – working two jobs, making ends meet, driving their kids to school and doing mommy duties. When asked if the father helps out in some ways , most would just smile and say NO. I do hope that is not the case for you.
A few weeks ago, a family of four approached me asking for prayer. The dad committed adultery and the mom was asking for prayer that she might have the strength to go through the trials she is experiencing. I asked the kids if they want the marriage restored and all of them said no. It actually shocked me. It pains me to see so many kids wounded by the scars left by their dads who committed adultery and broke the marriage covenant.
Isn’t it sad to see that a lot of dads are missing in action. And who takes care of everything? Single Moms. That is why I honor all the single moms out there who is trying to live a normal life. I don’t know if it would be a normal life but it is an honorable thing that they are doing – juggling everything from house management to financial budgets, meeting emotional needs of their children and a whole lot more.
Being married to Thammie and having a partner in managing the house is no easy task for both of us. Imagine all the more the single moms out there doing everything. It takes a different kind of grace to make it happen for them.
So here is my plea to all single men out there:
Aspire to be a responsible, loving husband and father to your future spouse. If you can’t manage you now, don’t add others along. Be the man. Act like a man. You make a marriage vow, stick to it, fight for it and make it the best marriage it could possibly be.
Single moms – you carry a burden that is heavy because the lead man choose to abdicate his role as a husband and as a father. Please don’t blame yourself. Same goes with single dads who are carrying the load because your wife choose to abdicate her role – please don’t blame yourself. May God’s grace be upon you.
To the kids reading this, please, honor your mom. She is superwoman but she also gets tired. She deserves your love and affirmation. Also do not despise your dad but rather pray for him. Pray that God would enlighten him with the decision that he made and that God would change his heart.
There is grace available for you and God has provided a spiritual community for you to be connected to and help you in your journey.
Let me share some practical steps for all the single moms out there managing your business and kids:
1. Find a support group that can help journey with you. It doesn’t have to be a single mom’s group but it could be a group who would be an encouragement and support in times of need. It could be a group of friends who would be there for you in the most challenging times of your life.
2. If you have a son – try to connect him to a trusted and spiritually mature man in church. Connect him with other men in church who could help disciple and mentor him in the ways of manhood. It is healthy for your son to have a father or big brother figure he can trust as he grows up and mature. Same goes with your daughters – find other women in church who can help you mentor/ coach and disciple your daughter. In church, we call this multiple anchor relationships. Have multiple anchors of men and women who can help your kids.
3. Prayer. Never underestimate the power of prayer. Be a praying mother. Only God can change hearts and only God can spare our families from trouble.
4. If possible, consider reconciling in marriage but not for the sake of the kids or for your sake but for God. Your husband must be willing to go for help and couples counselling to help rebuild the marriage.
Let me encourage all the single moms and kids out there with this verse.
Psalm 68:5 ESV
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.